Heart Flutter

Here I am, sitting in a quiet room in a city full of people rushing somewhere. And all of a sudden I realize I have nowhere to go. I find my own weakness embarrassing and wish I wasn't such a drag. Sometimes when I realize I am putty in your hands and that I live my life in the constant fear of losing you, I wish you would be a little considerate and put some thought into what's running through my head. I rethink every word I say in front of you; I sure do not want to offend you. You are going through a rough phase; though somewhere I feel happy that you gave me the privilege of being the one whom you can take out on, I can't help but think and understand that I too have bad days and would like some pampering. I am not unhappy; but just a little disappointed that despite you being there, I have to pick after myself. I do not complain or whine, I try to put things in perspective and convince myself that this will lead to better days. You have given more than what I could have asked for, but I wish it were more consistent.

But there's one thing; no one can make my heart flutter like you do.

Travel

For me, travelling is therapeutic. A new place, the unfamiliarity, the smells, the people, the streets and even its silence thrills me. I have always discovered something new about myself in a new city. I react differently, I am more enthusiastic and probably a little wild. And when I go back home, I take a little of that me along. And that helps me feel better. I need not always stay in the lap of luxury, but it is important for me to have experienced what the city/town has to offer for me. I have travelled very less, yet I call myself a traveller. Cause my mind goes everywhere, and someday my body will too. For the travel bugs I know.

Finding Love

They say you find love in the most unexpected places. I found it in many unexpected places and lost it over time. But there is one love that I always had and never lost. Even when I drifted away, I sailed back to the same shore. And this time I'm hoping to keep it for a really long time. :)

Perhaps

When religions all over the world are warring for the sake of "humanity" there sits a simple soul from the roof of the world who gives the most prolific yet elementary wisdom to persons who are willing to listen to him. A person who is ready to admit his religion's flaws, to lay down his ego for the greater good, so that religion and science can progress hand in hand has a stronger chance to be closer to God than anyone else. While everyone else teaches us to be religious, this religion teaches us to be spiritual. To not belittle one's faith by empty rituals but to trust a superpower, a spirit that has created everything around us and focus all our energy towards connecting with it. Perhaps we shall get there some day.

April's Letter

Wishing I was on a train with you, bound for anyplace on earth. Can't wait to feel that tingly feeling inside my heart when my fingertips touch your skin. Even something as simple as that is an adventure for me. Can't wait to stand confused and wonder what's gonna come next. Can't wait to be the reason behind your good mood. Can't wait to be your surprise. Some times I look at your acts of romance

 and wonder "What girl did that work on?" But it works on me everytime. I want to laugh at your jokes and kiss you everytime you are charming. Hope my colourful acts make you a little bit happier. Cause you make me happier. Everyday. And we both are sad, we could use this charm to work its magic. A wish to be next to you as soon as possible.
Love, Me.

P.S. - A little inspiration from April's love letter I came across in a library book! :)

Canvas = Heart

Imagine an canvas instead of my heart. People came in, did their thing and left. I cleaned up pretty easily after them. But you walked and what a mess!! I scrubbed so hard, but the colours never faded. Then I realized you are meant to be there forever. All the good things in life remind me of you. When I have a new dream, I want to share it with you. And when you tell me - "Sure love, we can do it

", I just want to clap my hands and smile wide. You taught me the value of patience, the reason behind us waiting, because we cherish what we await much more when it finally makes its way into our life. Little things got lost in the way but I can't help feeling so strongly about you. You yield to the one you truly love. The mess you made is now a beautiful painting. The pieces all come together now. They make sense. Your voice makes me smile.
Love, Me.

Birthday

Remember the last time we met. I wore black. You asked me if I was mourning or something. It was my birthday. A warm summer night. As we walked around the plaza, I lit a cigarette as you watched me and exclaimed - "Someone taught you to smoke the right way!". I laughed, while you kept your grin on your face. That is how simple it is for us. I can't imagine how it is going to be without you around. Do you realize we never fight? I have been told that never happens and probably we are not important enough to each other. But I have never felt this strong about anyone else. And it is a relief in the back of my mind. Coming back to you at the end of everyday, everything and almost everytime.

Monologues - VI

Dear Maya,

How could anyone not be in love with you? I mean you are adorably cute and beautiful (when you want to be!) and when you stick your tongue and pretend as if you are two years old, it just adds on to what you are! I absolutely feel in awe of you. And then when you take that pen and write, I just want to melt into the ground cause you are so good. I am slayed. You can kill me. There are 

so many kinds of love and I love that you listen to my crazy talk, don't disown me even I am a total bitch. There are so many things that you teach me and my life is better with you in it. I like your kindness as much as your bitchiness and your awkward sweet girliness as much as your hard as nails indifference. For me, 'Damn girl!, you got balls.'. Love you for what you are today. Always a soul sister you'll be

Love,
Avi.

On special request by Sukanya Shaji ! :) ♥

Love

It's past midnight. You just hung up the phone. I am sitting on my bed, grinning in the dark, replaying in my mind the things we spoke about. I fell half in love with the words you said and my mind was filled images of you, imagining how you would look saying them. The slight tilt of the head, those hands touching your chin, you doing those billion things, without even realizing you do them. I cou

ld just listen to you all night long. Probably a little more too. Nothing is more beautiful that listening to you talk about whiskey or painting. Sometimes I think we are bad for each other, but then you continue to love me and take my breath away. It seems so incredible that all this happened with so little effort from our part as though it was waiting to come true. Looks the Universe was watching and conspiring.
Love,
Me.

Confession

I am exhausted. Tired actually. I know I have been a drag. So tired of disappointing you. And I repeatedly try to fix things but the crack shows every time. Never make a man love you. I think I made you love me. Not that you did not have a choice, but you humored me. Always. I thought I knew you but I don't. And what you see is never what you get. I'd like to call you and tell you all of this, but

 I am sure I'll get what I deserve; a cold reply like 'Ok, cool'. I want to be wanted and I am not sure if you want me at all. Every night I go to sleep thinking, praying it will change but I wake up to reality. I'm resigning to my fate. I wish I knew you. And to think I'm in love with someone I don't know at all. Maybe all this is a lie. Some conspiracy theory. Some day I'll stop making excuses for you. But today is not that day.
In anticipation,
Love,
Me.

Love Letter(s)

I pace up and down the room. Thinking about you. I have written you countless love letters, never gave them to you, thinking you would never take me seriously. And now it is coming to a point where everyone else knows how I feel for you, except you. Or maybe I thought so. Your words changed it all. I have been locked up inside my room for the past six hours. Listening to love ballads, heart-strung

 melodies thinking I'm hopelessly in love with you. I ran out of cigarettes; my mind going over what you said repeatedly. The sheer excitement of those words. Bloody, I never thought anyone could believe my love was worth having. And you of all the people thought it is so. We might have to work a little bit to keep it this way, but I so shall do it with all my heart. Just to hear those whispers of yours every night. I think of every waking moment, every silent night and make dreams, nice things we can do. I imagine what it would be like to sleep next to you. It is a glad moment. More like chocolate pancakes with chocolate syrup and a dollop of chocolate ice cream. I am nice to the world around me. You make me nice.
Love,
Me.

P.S. - This is another love letter you may or may not see. ♥

Monologues - V

Avi dialed the number absentmindedly. It rang. Till the cool voice on the other end said it was futile to call. Did he ever see any of her calls? Pushing that thought out of her mind, she focused on the screen. Sentences made way for words which blurred into letters and finally made no sense at all. All that played in her mind was the ringing on the other end. Violently shaken out of her thoughts, she realized there was a real ringing. The phone. The name. It made no sense at all.

Monologues - IV

Love is inexplicable. When you plunge into love, the current takes you to places you had not imagined about when you plunged. Love is a fog so thick that even when reality is doing a tribal dance around you, all you see is white smoke.“When you are in love, things make even more sense, he thought.” Avi closed her copy of 'The Alchemist'.